TUI's move to southern Gran Canaria isn't even disrespectful: it's straight up a divorce without alimony. The most powerful German tour operator in the islands, which previously didn't take a step without causing a stir in the lobby of the Costa Meloneras, has published its list of the 15 best hotels in the Canary Islands, and—hold on to your hammocks—there's not a trace of Lopesan. The Canarian giant. The same one that fed half of Meloneras before cruise ships brought grandparents in socks and flip-flops.
And, of course, you start reading the list and start laughing. Because there it is, at the top, is the Hotel Riu Palace Maspalomas, which is like saying the Ritz that comes with a bracelet. It's followed by its sister hotel, the Riu Palace Meloneras, which has the name of a zarzuela, and the Riu Palmeras, which seems like the brother-in-law of the former. All very Teutonic and very "nur für erwachsene."
Next comes the Santa Mónica Suites, which sounds more like a Tafira beauty center than a five-star hotel, but it's there. And further down the list are wonders like the Club Maspalomas Suites (which you'd swear was an after-hours event in the 90s) and the Hotel Nayra – Adults Only, which feels more like a Corín Tellado romance novel with a Scandinavian sauna vibe.
From Fuerteventura, there's the Innside by Meliá, which no one in the Canary Islands could pronounce without sounding like they have a polvorón in their mouth, and the Bahiazul Villas Club, which sounds like a yacht club where they won't let you in if you're wearing Primark flip-flops.
From Tenerife, there's the Hotel Tigaiga (more Tenerife than a horse mackerel in mojo sauce) and the Iberostar Selection Anthelia, whose name sounds like that of an emeritus princess who spent her summers in Garachico. And from Lanzarote, the highlights are the Hotel Lava Beach and the Aqua Suites, where you'll feel like you're going to bathe in Perrier with aloe bubbles.
But, of course, not a Lopesan. Not the Costa Meloneras, not the Villa del Conde, not the Baobab. As if real Canarian hotels, the ones where the waiter calls you "my boy!" in a motherly voice, didn't exist. Everything was very boutique, very premium, very "adults only"... and none of our stuff.
And why this void? Because Lopesan is no longer tamed by the tour operator. Because it's grown up and said: "I'm selling my beds and I don't need Daddy TUI to fill them for me." And that, in the geopolitics of organized tourism, comes at a price. This isn't a ranking; this is a wake-up call with a raincoat and currywurst. And the saddest thing is that in Gran Canaria, we celebrate it as if we've been given an award. As if German business owners would love us more because they're awarding prizes to hotels we didn't even know existed. Let's see when we understand that without Lopesan, without the Canary Islands, without gofio, and without folklore, these aren't the best hotels in the Canary Islands. This is simply a Booking.com catalog with pretensions.
